digs like a mountain

“what do you mean my writing hasn’t gotten any better?!
what do you mean i’m roughing through a creative drought?!
my best poems can’t be behind me!
i’m only twenty!

i haven’t even hit my stride yet!

right?

right?”

Sometimes people just fall down wells and fucking die;
I’ve lived my life inside a capsule so I don’t know how that feels;
but I know how this feels,
(and I don’t presume to say it is the same level of suffering)
but it sure as fuck feels similar to me.

What do you mean, says the trapeze artist, there’s no fucking net on this gig?

-I ain’t practiced this for hardly a week! WHAT IF I FALL?

Then, says the circus conductor, we’re gonna need to find a new fucking trapeze artist to put on the bank roll.

And it’s that perfect, most hilarious moment, when the poor bastard has to climb that fucking ladder to the very top of the big top, where all the smoke and popcorn stench has gathered like an inverse wretched cesspool, that he realizes he’s gonna have to carry on with the fucking act anyway, like it or not, he’s got a show to put on, and that drop’s gotta be eighty feet if it’s an inch and the only damn thing going through his mind is “Don’t look down!” and it cracks him up so fucking much

that he falls anyway.

Funny, right? Black comedy? Funny? No? Okay.

“Look, uh, I know this sounds pretty fucking whiny and I’ve had the whole world in my hands for a really goddamn long time but, I really don’t know what the fuck I’m doing and could someone just pause this fucker for a second so I could figure this shit out? Hello? Please? I mean it man, I’m fucking dying here, what am I gonna do for the rest of my life, file taxes and buy a house and shit? That’s not my game, man, I got off at the wrong stop, I need a fucking map! Help! What do you mean, ‘figure it out myself?’” and so it goes; like I said, pathetic, right?

Don’t laugh, don’t fucking mock, that ain’t fair, you were there too or you will be, and don’t fucking tell me I’ll be alright in the morning because for once, I know I won’t be.